Supporting Someone After a Crisis

If you are in danger right now: if the person is in danger or talking about ending their life, stay with them and call 10177 or 112 from a mobile, or the Suicide Crisis Helpline on 0800 567 567.

Maybe your friend was robbed, your sister left an abusive home, or your colleague just came out of hospital. You want to help but worry you will say the wrong thing. Most people do not need perfect words. They need someone who stays.

What is happening

After a crisis, people often feel shocked, numb, scared, angry or ashamed. Some want to talk, some do not. Both are normal. What helps most in the early days is simple: feeling safe, feeling calm, being with people who care, getting practical help and holding on to some hope.

You do not need to be a counsellor to help. You can listen, help with meals or transport, sit with them at the clinic or the police station, and keep checking in after the first rush of visitors fades. Avoid pushing for details of what happened, telling them how they should feel, or comparing their story to yours.

Watch for signs that they need more than you can give, like thoughts of suicide, heavy drinking, or not coping after several weeks. Then your job is to help them reach professional support.

Signs to notice

• They seem numb, far away or not themselves.
• They are not eating, sleeping or looking after themselves.
• They avoid people or places they used to enjoy.
• They are drinking or using more.
• They say things like "what is the point" or talk about not wanting to be here.
• You feel drained, anxious or unsure how long you can keep helping.

30-second self-check

Answer yes or no about the person you are supporting. If you answer yes to the first question, stop here and get help now: call the Suicide Crisis Helpline on 0800 567 567, or 10177 in an emergency.

• Are they in danger, or talking about ending their life?
• Is the person or situation that caused the crisis still close to them?
• Are they drinking or using drugs to cope?
• Has it been more than a few weeks and they are not coping better?
• Are they struggling to work, eat or sleep?
• Are you running out of energy to support them?

0-1 yes: If your yes was the first question, get help now. Otherwise keep being there: listen, help with practical things and check in regularly.
2-3 yes: They may need more support than you can give alone. Encourage them to call the Cleared Mind Careline on 0800 212 146, and offer to sit with them while they call.
4 or more yes: Please get help today. If they are in danger or talk about ending their life, call 0800 567 567 or 10177. Help them reach a counsellor, and get support for yourself too.

What you can do next

• Today: Ask: "What would help most right now?" Then do one practical thing, like food, a lift or fetching children. Listen more than you talk.
• This week: Check in again, by message or visit. Help them make a list of people and services they can call. Offer to go with them to the clinic, police or counsellor.
• This month: Keep checking in after others have stopped. Notice anniversaries and hard dates. Share the support with other people so it does not all fall on you.
• If abuse was involved, do not confront the abuser. It can put the person in more danger.
• Look after yourself. Supporting someone is hard, and you can call the Careline for yourself too.

Your tool

Trusted Contacts Card - helps the person you support list the people and services they can call, in one private place that is quick to reach.

When to get professional help

Help them reach professional support if they talk about suicide, are using alcohol or drugs to cope, or are not managing daily life after a few weeks. Get support for yourself if you feel overwhelmed.
Who can help: counsellor, psychologist, social worker, grief specialist, emergency services

Getting help in South Africa

• Suicide Crisis Helpline (0800 567 567, 24/7): if they talk about ending their life.
• Cleared Mind 24-hour Careline (0800 212 146): counselling for them, and for you as a supporter.
• SADAG Mental Health Line (011 234 4837, 08:00-20:00): advice on supporting someone.
• GBV Command Centre (0800 428 428): if the crisis involved abuse or gender-based violence.
• SAPS (10111): if a crime happened or they are in danger.