Bullying: Helping Your Child

If you are in danger right now, or your child has been hurt or talks about ending their life, call SAPS on 10111 or the Suicide Crisis Helpline on 0800 567 567.

Your child comes home quiet, with torn clothes, missing lunch money, or glued to their phone and upset. Maybe they have finally told you what is happening, or maybe you only suspect it. Feeling angry and helpless is natural. What your child needs most right now is for you to stay calm and on their side.

What is happening

Bullying is repeated behaviour meant to hurt, scare or shame someone who finds it hard to defend themselves. It can be physical, verbal, social (being left out, rumours) or online, through WhatsApp groups, social media and gaming chats. Online bullying follows children home and can be seen by many people at once.

Children often do not tell adults because they feel ashamed, fear making it worse, or worry their phone will be taken away. Being bullied is linked to anxiety, low mood, school refusal and, in some cases, self-harm, which is why it needs to be taken seriously.

Schools in South Africa must have a code of conduct and a duty to keep learners safe. Serious incidents, such as assault, sexual harassment or threats, can also be reported to SAPS. The Protection from Harassment Act allows a protection order through the magistrate's court, and sharing some harmful messages or intimate images can be a crime under the Cybercrimes Act.

Signs to notice

• Unexplained injuries, torn clothes or missing belongings.
• Not wanting to go to school or on the bus or taxi.
• Being jumpy or upset after using the phone.
• Changes in sleep, eating or mood.
• Losing friends or being left out of groups.
• Talking about feeling worthless, or about not wanting to live.

30-second self-check

Answer yes or no. Go with your first honest answer.

• Has my child told me, or have I seen, that someone is hurting or mocking them repeatedly?
• Are they avoiding school, certain places or their phone?
• Have their marks, sleep or mood changed?
• Are they being targeted online or in group chats?
• Has the school been told, but nothing has changed?
• Has my child said anything about hurting themselves or not wanting to be here?

0-1 yes: There may be no bullying now. Keep talking openly about friendships and online life.
2-3 yes: There are real warning signs. Talk to your child and the school this week.
4 or more yes: Your child needs help and protection now. If they have mentioned self-harm or suicide, treat that as urgent today.

What you can do next

• Today: Tell your child: "Thank you for telling me. This is not your fault. We will sort this out together." Do not rush to confront the other child or their parents.
• This week: Write down what happened, with dates, and screenshot online messages before they disappear. Request a meeting with the teacher or principal and ask what steps they will take and by when.
• This month: Follow up in writing. If the school does not act, escalate to the district office. Help your child build safe friendships in other places, like sport, church or a club.

Your tool

Conversation Planner - helps you plan the talk with your child and the meeting with the school, so you stay calm and leave with a clear plan.

When to get professional help

Get help if bullying continues, if your child is anxious, low or refusing school, or if there is violence, sexual harassment or threats. Any talk of self-harm or suicide needs urgent help. A child psychologist or counsellor can help your child recover confidence.
Who can help: Psychologist, registered counsellor, social worker, attorney, emergency services

Getting help in South Africa

Childline on 116 is free for children and parents. The Suicide Crisis Helpline on 0800 567 567 is available 24/7 if your child talks about ending their life. Report assaults or threats to SAPS on 10111. A protection order under the Protection from Harassment Act can be requested at the magistrate's court. If the school does not act, contact your provincial education department district office. The Cleared Mind 24-hour Careline on 0800 212 146 offers counselling support.