Boundary Script Builder

What you will need

• Who is the boundary with?: Parent or elder, in-law, sibling, partner, adult child, friend, colleague.
• What keeps happening? (text): For example: asked for money every month-end, unannounced visits, calls late at night.
• What you are willing to do (text): A boundary often works better with an offer, for example R800 a month or one visit a month.
• What you cannot do (text): More detail.
• Money you can give family each month (R): More detail. Only if the boundary is about money.
• Your take-home pay each month (R): More detail. Used only to show what share of your income goes to family.
• Are you afraid they may react with threats or violence? (yes/no): More detail.

How it works

IF fear_reaction == yes: show safety panel (GBV Command Centre 0800 428 428, SAPS 10111) and suggest planning the conversation with a counsellor first; still show script but add 'say this in a safe place or by message'. Script = warm_opening + boundary + offer + close. warm_opening: IF who == parent_or_elder or in_law: 'Mama/Baba, I respect you and I want to keep helping in a way I can manage.' ELSE 'I care about you and I want to be honest with you.' boundary = 'I cannot ' + cannot_do + '.' offer = 'What I can do is ' + can_offer + '.' close = 'I hope you understand. I will not change my mind on this, but I am still here for you.' IF monthly_family_budget and take_home_pay given: family_share = monthly_family_budget / take_home_pay * 100, rounded to whole %; show it without judgement; IF family_share > 20: add gentle note to check the plan with a money coach, and if debt is involved an NCR-registered debt counsellor. Push-back replies: guilt ('After all we did for you') -> 'I am grateful, and this is what I can give.'; 'You have changed' -> 'I have more responsibilities now, and I still love you.'; anger -> 'I can see you are upset. Let us talk again when things are calmer.'; repeated asking -> repeat the boundary once, calmly, without new explanations (broken-record). Tip shown: say it once, keep it short, do not over-explain or apologise repeatedly.

What you get

• What you can say
• If they push back
• Share of your pay going to family

What it means

• Your safety comes first, so plan this with support rather than alone.
• A large share of your income goes to family, so a money coach can help you plan without guilt.
• Say it once, kindly and clearly: expect some push-back at first, which does not mean the boundary is wrong.

Next step: Want help interpreting this? A Cleared Mind counsellor or money coach can help you practise: call 0800 212 146.

Runs on the device. Nothing is saved unless the member chooses.