How to Talk to Someone About Their Gambling

The right conversation can open a door - the wrong one can slam it shut

The conversation you have been dreading

Refilwe had rehearsed it a hundred times in her head - how she would confront her partner about the gambling, all the evidence she would lay out, how he would finally see sense. Every imagined version ended in a fight. What she had not considered was a different kind of conversation: quieter, kinder, and far more likely to actually help.

Talking to someone about their gambling is hard, and how you do it matters enormously. This guide helps you have a conversation that opens a door rather than slamming it shut.

What it is

This is about the difficult but important conversation with someone you believe may have a gambling problem - a partner, family member, friend or colleague. Done with care, it can be the moment someone first feels safe enough to face the problem. Done with blame, it usually triggers defensiveness and secrecy. The goal is not to force change in one conversation, but to open the door to help.

Before you talk

• Choose a calm, private moment - never straight after a loss or during an argument

• Be clear with yourself about your goal: to support, not to punish or extract a confession

• Prepare what help looks like, so you can offer a next step

• Manage your own emotions first; come from concern, not anger

During the conversation

• Lead with care: I have noticed you seem stressed, and I am worried about you

• Use I statements about specific behaviour and its impact, not you accusations about character

• Listen more than you speak; let them talk without interrupting or arguing

• Avoid lectures, ultimatums, name-calling and dredging up every past incident

• Offer support and a concrete next step, like a free, confidential helpline

• Accept that they may deny it at first - you have still planted a seed

If you or someone you know is having thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please reach out now: Suicide Crisis Helpline 0800 567 567, or SAPS 10111 in an emergency. You are not alone, and help is available 24 hours a day.

Why approach matters

People with gambling problems usually carry deep shame and often hide the problem from themselves. Blame and confrontation confirm their fear of judgement and push them further into secrecy. Warmth and specificity do the opposite: they make it safer to be honest. You cannot force someone to change, but you can make the path to help feel less frightening.

After the conversation

• Do not expect instant change; recovery is a process

• Keep the door open - calm concern, repeated over time, often works when one confrontation does not

• Protect yourself and the household finances while staying supportive

• Look after your own wellbeing and seek support for yourself too

How we can help

You do not have to get the words perfect or do it alone:

• Guidance on preparing for and having the conversation

• Free, confidential counselling for you and for the person who gambles

• A warm referral to family and gambling support services

When to seek support

Reach out if you are worried about someone, unsure how to raise it, or carrying the strain of their gambling yourself. You can call for advice before you ever speak to them - and support for you is available whether or not they choose to get help.

Try this (2 minutes)

Write your opening line. Draft one sentence you could actually say, focused on care and a specific observation: for example, I have noticed you have seemed really stressed lately and I care about you - can we talk? Say it out loud once. A calm, kind opening line, ready in advance, is the difference between a conversation that helps and one that explodes.

Free South African support

• National Responsible Gambling Programme - 0800 006 008

• Suicide Crisis Helpline - 0800 567 567

• Suicide Crisis Helpline - 0800 567 567

• Gamblers Anonymous South Africa - support groups nationwide

References

American Psychiatric Association, 2013. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). 5th ed. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association.

World Health Organization, 2019. International Classification of Diseases, 11th Revision (ICD-11): Gambling Disorder. Geneva: World Health Organization.

National Responsible Gambling Programme, n.d. Help for Problem Gambling. [online] Available at: https://www.responsiblegambling.org.za [Accessed June 2026].

South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG), n.d. Helplines and Resources. [online] Available at: https://www.sadag.org [Accessed June 2026].

This article offers general information and support. It is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you are in crisis, contact the Suicide Crisis Helpline on 0800 567 567 or SAPS on 10111. Your information is handled in line with POPIA; health information is treated as Special Personal Information.