When Someone You Love Gambles: A Guide for Families

You cannot carry it for them - but you do not have to carry your part alone either

Loving someone through it

Lerato loved her brother fiercely. She also had not slept properly in months. She had covered his rent twice, lied to their mother once, and lay awake wondering if the next phone call would be the bad one. Everyone keeps asking how he is, she said. Nobody asks how I am.

If you love someone who gambles, this guide is for you, not as the fixer, but as a person who matters and who is also being harmed. Your wellbeing is not selfish; it is essential, including for them.

What it is

Affected others are the family members, partners and friends harmed by someone else's gambling, emotionally, financially and relationally. Gambling harm spreads well beyond the person placing the bets, and the harm to families is real: financial loss, broken trust, anxiety, and the exhausting work of holding everything together.

Common signs in you

This guide flips the usual list. Here are signs that the gambling is harming you.

• Constant worry about money, secrets, or the next crisis

• Lying to others to cover for them, or walking on eggshells at home

• Using your own savings or credit to plug their gaps

• Sleep problems, anxiety, low mood, or feeling isolated

• Losing yourself, with your needs always coming last

If you or someone you know is having thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please reach out now: Suicide Crisis Helpline 0800 567 567, or SAPS 10111 in an emergency. You are not alone, and help is available 24 hours a day.

Why it happens

Families often slide into rescuing: paying debts, making excuses, keeping the peace. It comes from love, and in the short term it relieves the crisis. But repeatedly covering losses can unintentionally remove the natural consequences that help someone face the problem. This is not about blame; it is a pattern almost every loving family falls into.

In many South African families, strong bonds of ubuntu and obligation make it especially hard to set limits with a relative in trouble, and especially hard to talk about money and mental health. Naming the strain is not disloyalty; it is the start of healthier support.

Self-help tools

Protect yourself and the household

• Separate or protect your own finances; secure accounts, cards and valuables

• Stop covering losses or paying gambling debts; support the person, not the habit

• Decide your boundaries in advance, calmly, and stick to them

Communicate without pushing them away

• Pick a calm moment; speak from care, not blame

• Be specific about behaviour and its impact, not character

• Offer help to get help; do not demand instant change

Care for you

• Talk to someone: a counsellor, a support group, a trusted friend

• Keep parts of your life that are just yours: rest, connection, routine

How we can help

You deserve support in your own right. We offer:

• Guidance on raising concerns and protecting the household

• Free, confidential counselling for family members, not just the person who gambles

• A warm referral to family support groups and counselling

When to seek support

Reach out if you are losing sleep, money or yourself; if you feel responsible for fixing them; or if there is any risk to safety in the home. You can call for support even if the person who gambles refuses help. Support for you is always available.

Try this (2 minutes)

One boundary, written down. Complete this sentence for yourself: To protect myself, from today I will ____ (for example, keep my own account, stop covering losses, or talk to a counsellor this week). Just one. Boundaries are not punishments; they are how you stay well enough to keep loving them. Say it out loud once. That is the practice.

Free South African support

• National Responsible Gambling Programme - 0800 006 008

• Suicide Crisis Helpline - 0800 567 567

• Suicide Crisis Helpline - 0800 567 567

• Gamblers Anonymous South Africa - support groups nationwide

References

American Psychiatric Association, 2013. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). 5th ed. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association.

World Health Organization, 2019. International Classification of Diseases, 11th Revision (ICD-11): Gambling Disorder. Geneva: World Health Organization.

National Responsible Gambling Programme, n.d. Help for Problem Gambling. [online] Available at: https://www.responsiblegambling.org.za [Accessed June 2026].

South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG), n.d. Helplines and Resources. [online] Available at: https://www.sadag.org [Accessed June 2026].

This article offers general information and support. It is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you are in crisis, contact the Suicide Crisis Helpline on 0800 567 567 or SAPS on 10111. Your information is handled in line with POPIA; health information is treated as Special Personal Information.