Helping a Family Member Who Is Suicidal

If you are in danger right now: if your family member may act on thoughts of ending their life, stay with them and call 10177 for an ambulance, or 112 from a mobile. For advice any time, call the Suicide Crisis Helpline on 0800 567 567.

It is frightening to hear someone you love say they want to die, or to notice they have gone quiet and given up. You may feel scared of saying the wrong thing. You do not need perfect words. Being there, asking and getting help are what matter.

What is happening

Most people who think about ending their life do not truly want to die. They want the pain to stop, and they cannot see another way right now. Thoughts of suicide often come in waves, and the strongest moments pass. Help, time and connection make a real difference, and many people who once felt this way go on to live full lives.

Asking directly about suicide does not put the idea in someone's head. It usually brings relief, because the person no longer has to carry it alone. Try: "Sometimes when people feel like you do, they think about ending their life. Are you thinking about that?"

If they say yes, stay calm, listen and thank them for telling you. Do not promise to keep it secret. Help them get support today.

Signs to notice

• Talking about wanting to die, being a burden or having no reason to live.
• Pulling away from people, work, church or things they used to enjoy.
• Giving away belongings, saying goodbye or sorting out affairs.
• Drinking or using drugs more.
• Sudden calm after a long time of being very low.
• A recent loss: a job, a relationship, a death, money or status.

30-second self-check

Answer yes or no about your family member. If you answer yes to the first question, stop here and get help now: stay with them and call 10177, or 112 from a mobile.

• Do you think they might act on thoughts of ending their life today?
• Have they talked about wanting to die or not being here?
• Have they tried to end their life or hurt themselves before?
• Are they drinking or using drugs more than usual?
• Have they had a big loss or shock recently?
• Are they cutting off from family and friends?

0-1 yes: If your yes was the first question, stay with them and call 10177 now. If it was the second, ask them directly today and call the Suicide Crisis Helpline on 0800 567 567 for advice. Otherwise keep checking in, ask directly how they are, and help them talk to someone.
2-3 yes: Your worry is real. Ask them directly about suicide today, and call the Suicide Crisis Helpline on 0800 567 567 together or for advice.
4 or more yes: Please act today. Do not leave them alone if you think they are in danger. Call the Suicide Crisis Helpline on 0800 567 567, and 10177 or 112 in an emergency.

What you can do next

• Today: Ask directly and listen without arguing or lecturing. Ask someone to hold medicines, alcohol or anything they could use to hurt themselves, and keep these away from the home for now.
• This week: Help them see a doctor, psychologist or counsellor, and go with them if they want. Make a safety plan together: warning signs, things that help, people to call and reasons to keep going.
• This month: Keep checking in. Share the load with one or two other trusted people so you are not alone. Look after your own sleep and support.
• If they have been in hospital, the weeks after coming home need extra care and contact.
• If they refuse help and you believe they are in danger, take them to a hospital emergency unit or call 10177. A hospital can assess them.

Your tool

Safety Plan Builder - helps you and your family member write a short plan together: warning signs, coping steps, people to call and ways to make home safer.

When to get professional help

Get professional help as soon as someone talks about ending their life. Treat it as urgent if they have a plan, have tried before, are drinking heavily or seem calm after being very low. You do not have to judge the level of danger yourself.
Who can help: psychologist, counsellor, doctor, social worker, emergency services

Getting help in South Africa

• Suicide Crisis Helpline (0800 567 567, 24/7): for the person at risk and for worried family.
• Cleared Mind 24-hour Careline (0800 212 146): counselling for them and support for you.
• SADAG Mental Health Line (011 234 4837, 08:00-20:00): advice and referrals.
• Ambulance (10177) or 112 from a mobile: in an emergency.
• Public hospitals and clinics: emergency mental health assessment and referral.
• Childline (116): if the person is under 18.