Social media and comparison

It's easy to open an app for a quick check and come away feeling, without quite knowing why, a little smaller than before. That feeling has a name, and it's more common than you might think.

What it is

Social media comparison happens when we measure our own lives, bodies, careers or relationships against what we see online. The trouble is that social media typically shows curated highlights - the best angle, the good day, the achievement - rather than the full, ordinary reality of someone's life. Comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else's highlight reel is, by definition, an unfair comparison, but our brains do it automatically anyway.

Signs to notice

• Feeling worse about your appearance, achievements or life after scrolling.
• Frequently comparing your body, home, relationship or career to what you see online.
• A pattern of checking others' profiles more than posting or connecting yourself.
• Feeling envy, inadequacy or sadness that seems to spike after time on certain apps.
• Changing your behaviour, spending or appearance mainly to match what you see online.

What helps

• Notice which specific accounts or types of content leave you feeling worse, and unfollow or mute them without guilt.
• Remind yourself, genuinely, that what you're seeing is curated - a snapshot chosen to be shared, not the whole picture.
• Curate your feed actively to include content that makes you feel good, informed or genuinely connected.
• Limit passive scrolling and prioritise active use, like messaging friends directly, which tends to support wellbeing more than browsing.
• Practice noticing your own achievements and life offline, without needing to compare them to anyone else's.
• Take regular breaks from social media, even short ones, to reset your baseline mood.
• Remember that algorithms are built to show you content that keeps you engaged, which often means content that triggers strong emotional reactions, including comparison - this isn't a personal failing, it's the system working as designed.
• If you notice comparison creeping in around a specific area of life, such as career or parenting, seek out a few honest voices online who talk openly about struggles as well as successes, to balance the picture.

When to reach out for help

If comparison is fuelling persistent low self-esteem, body image concerns, or symptoms of anxiety or depression, it's worth speaking to a professional. A professional can assess what's going on and help you build a healthier relationship with both social media and yourself.

Getting help in South Africa

Your Cleared Mind EAP counsellor can help you work through comparison, self-esteem and body image concerns confidentially. SADAG's Mental Health Line (011 234 4837) is also available for support with anxiety or low mood linked to social media use.