Pregnancy loss and stillbirth

Losing a pregnancy or a baby is a deep and often silent grief. Whatever stage the loss happened at, your pain is real and deserves to be acknowledged.

What it is

Pregnancy loss includes miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth and infant loss. Each carries its own physical and emotional weight, and grief can be complicated by the fact that others may not have known about the pregnancy, or may minimise the loss because it happened early or wasn't visible. This grief is real regardless of how far along the pregnancy was, and there is no timeline for how long it should take to process.

Signs to notice

• Waves of sadness, anger, guilt or numbness that come and go unpredictably
• Difficulty being around pregnant women, babies or baby-related events
• Physical symptoms of grief - exhaustion, changes in appetite or sleep
• Strain in your relationship with a partner, who may grieve differently or on a different timeline
• Anxiety about future pregnancies
• Feeling isolated because others don't know how to talk about the loss
• Persistent guilt or self-blame, even though pregnancy loss is very rarely caused by anything the mother did

What helps

• Give yourself permission to grieve, without comparing your loss to anyone else's or minimising it because of timing.
• Name the loss if it feels right to you - some parents find it helpful to name the baby or mark the loss in a way meaningful to them.
• Communicate openly with your partner about how each of you is grieving, since partners often process loss differently.
• Seek out others who understand, whether through a support group or people who have experienced similar loss.
• Be gentle with your body as it recovers physically, which can take time alongside the emotional healing.
• Consider counselling, especially if grief feels overwhelming, isolating or is affecting your relationship or ability to function.
• Let close friends and family know what kind of support helps you most - practical help, company, or simply having your loss acknowledged.

When to reach out for help

Reach out for support if grief feels unbearable, if you're unable to function in daily life, if the relationship with your partner is under significant strain, or if you have any thoughts of self-harm. Support is also valuable in preparing emotionally for a future pregnancy after loss.

Getting help in South Africa

Cleared Mind's EAP counsellors provide compassionate, confidential support for pregnancy and infant loss. Your gynaecologist, midwife or GP can also refer you to specialised grief counselling. SADAG's Mental Health Line (011 234 4837) can connect you with relevant support groups and resources.

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If you or someone else is in immediate danger, reach out now. SADAG Suicide Crisis Helpline (24h): 0800 567 567 or SMS 31393. SAPS 10111, ambulance 10177, GBV Command Centre 0800 428 428.