Building resilience in young people

Resilience isn't something young people either have or don't have - it's a set of skills that can be built, practised and strengthened over time, with the right support around them.

What it is

Resilience is the ability to adapt, cope and recover when life gets hard - a difficult exam, a friendship breakup, a family change or a bigger setback. It doesn't mean never struggling. Resilient young people still feel sadness, frustration and fear, but they have tools and relationships that help them move through those feelings rather than being overwhelmed by them.

Signs to notice

Young people who are building resilience well tend to show:

• The ability to talk about problems rather than only acting them out
• A willingness to try again after failure or disappointment
• At least one trusted adult or peer they can turn to
• A sense that their actions matter and can make a difference
• Some capacity to self-soothe, even if imperfect

Signs resilience may need extra support include frequent meltdowns over small setbacks, avoidance of anything challenging, or a pattern of giving up quickly.

What helps

• Let young people face age-appropriate challenges and solve problems themselves before stepping in. Struggling a little, safely, builds capability.
• Model healthy coping yourself - how you handle stress teaches more than what you say about it.
• Keep at least one steady, warm relationship in their life. A strong bond with even one caring adult is one of the most protective factors for young people.
• Praise effort and persistence rather than only results. "You kept trying" builds more resilience than "you're so clever".
• Encourage regular physical activity, enough sleep and time outdoors - all strongly linked to better emotional regulation.
• Help them name their feelings. Simply having language for "frustrated", "disappointed" or "anxious" makes emotions easier to manage.
• Create a sense of belonging through family routines, community, culture or faith - whatever is meaningful in your context.
• Allow mistakes without harsh criticism. Frame setbacks as information, not failure.

When to reach out for help

If a young person consistently struggles to bounce back from ordinary setbacks, shows persistent anxiety, low mood, or avoids school and social situations, it may be time for extra support. A professional can help build coping skills in a structured way and assess whether something more is going on.

Getting help in South Africa

Cleared Mind's EAP offers counselling support for parents navigating this journey and for young people directly. SADAG's Mental Health Line (011 234 4837) has information on youth support groups and resources. Schools, school counsellors and community youth programmes are also valuable places to build resilience-boosting relationships and skills.