Youth and grief

Losing someone you love is one of the hardest things a young person can go through, and grief in teens often looks different to grief in adults.

What it is

Grief is the natural response to loss - of a parent, sibling, friend, grandparent or even a beloved pet. Young people are still developing the emotional tools to make sense of loss, so their grief can come in waves, show up as anger or irritability, or seem to disappear and then return months later. There is no fixed timeline and no "right" way to grieve.

Signs to notice

• Sudden changes in mood, sleep or appetite
• Withdrawing from friends, school or activities they used to enjoy
• Regression in younger children (clinginess, bedwetting, baby talk)
• Acting out, anger or risk-taking behaviour in teens
• Difficulty concentrating or a drop in school performance
• Talking about wanting to "be with" the person who died, or feeling life isn't worth living
• Physical complaints like headaches or stomach aches with no clear cause

What helps

• Keep routines as stable as possible - school, meals, bedtime. Predictability is comforting.
• Answer questions honestly, in age-appropriate language. Avoid euphemisms like "gone to sleep", which can confuse younger children.
• Let them see you grieve too. It teaches them that sadness is allowed and survivable.
• Give them permission to still laugh, play and enjoy things. This isn't disrespect - it's how young people process big feelings, often in short bursts.
• Create simple rituals to remember the person, such as a photo, a memory box, or lighting a candle on their birthday. Involve them in decisions about funerals or memorials where appropriate, without forcing participation.
• Read books together about loss suited to their age, and keep talking about the person who died rather than avoiding the topic.

When to reach out for help

Consider professional support if grief is severely disrupting daily life after several months, if a young person is using alcohol or substances to cope, if there is self-harm or talk of suicide, or if they seem "stuck" and unable to engage with life again. A professional can assess whether what they're experiencing is grief or something that needs additional support, like depression.

Getting help in South Africa

Cleared Mind's EAP counsellors can support both parents and young people through bereavement, including sessions tailored for children and teens. SADAG offers a Mental Health Line on 011 234 4837 for guidance and referrals. Schools often have counsellors who can provide extra support during the school day. Reaching out early gives young people the best chance of moving through grief in a healthy way.

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If you or someone else is in immediate danger, reach out now. SADAG Suicide Crisis Helpline (24h): 0800 567 567 or SMS 31393. SAPS 10111, ambulance 10177, GBV Command Centre 0800 428 428.