Loneliness After Retirement

Work filled your days with people, even ones you did not especially like. Now whole days can pass without a real conversation. If you feel lonely, bored or forgotten since retiring, you are not alone, and it is not a personal failing. Loneliness is common, and connection can be rebuilt.

What is happening

Loneliness is the painful feeling that your connections are fewer or less close than you need. It is different from being alone; some people live alone and feel content, others live in a full house and feel lonely. After retirement, loneliness often grows slowly as work friendships fade, children are busy, friends move or pass away, and health or transport makes getting out harder.

Long-term loneliness is linked to low mood, poor sleep and worse physical health, so it is worth taking seriously. In South Africa, older people may also face safety worries about going out, the cost of transport, or living far from family who moved to cities. Some grandparents are busy raising grandchildren and still feel lonely, because their own needs for adult company go unmet.

The good news is that small, regular contact makes a real difference. It is often easier to rebuild connection through doing things together, like singing in a choir, bowls, gardening, church groups, stokvels, walking groups or volunteering, than through waiting for visitors.

Signs to notice

• Days go by without a proper conversation
• You feel left out or forgotten by family and friends
• You have stopped going to places you used to enjoy
• You watch TV or scroll on your phone for most of the day
• Sleep and appetite have changed
• You feel you have no one to call in an emergency

30-second self-check

Answer yes or no. Go with your first honest answer.

• Do you often go a whole day without speaking to anyone?
• Do you feel you lack company most of the time?
• Do you feel left out or forgotten?
• Has your health or transport made it hard to get out?
• Have you felt low or hopeless for more than two weeks?
• Do you have no one you could call if you needed help urgently?

0-1 yes: You seem fairly connected. Keep up the relationships and routines that work for you.
2-3 yes: Loneliness is creeping in. Add one regular social activity this month.
4 or more yes: Loneliness is weighing on you. Please talk to someone and consider speaking to a counsellor or doctor.

What you can do next

• Today: Phone or visit one person today, even for five minutes.
• This week: Join one regular group, such as a church or mosque group, seniors club, choir, gardening group or walking group.
• This month: Set up a weekly call or visit with a family member or friend on a fixed day.
• If transport or safety is a barrier, ask your local community centre, faith community or social worker about group transport or home visits.

Your tool

Social Connection Check - a private check, based on the ideas behind a well-known loneliness scale, that shows how connected you feel and suggests small ways to reconnect.

When to get professional help

Get help if loneliness comes with low mood that lasts more than two weeks, if you are drinking more, if you have stopped caring for yourself, or if you feel life is not worth living. A doctor can check for health problems, and a counsellor can help with mood.
Who can help: counsellor, psychologist, social worker, doctor

Getting help in South Africa

The Cleared Mind 24-hour Careline on 0800 212 146 can connect you to a counsellor. SADAG (011 234 4837, 08:00-20:00) offers support for low mood. The Department of Social Development and local community centres run programmes for older persons. Many faith communities and seniors' clubs welcome new members. See also our article on adjusting to retirement.