Supporting an Anxious Child

Your child worries about everything: that you will not come back, that something bad will happen, that they will fail a test. They cry, cling or complain of tummy aches. It is hard to see your child scared, and hard to know whether to push them or protect them.

What is happening

Every child has fears. Toddlers fear strangers, young children fear the dark, and older children worry about friends and school. Anxiety becomes a problem when the fear is bigger than the situation, lasts for weeks, and starts stopping the child from doing normal things.

Anxiety lives in the body as well as the mind. A worried child may have a racing heart, sore tummy, headaches or trouble falling asleep. Many anxious children seek reassurance again and again, or avoid what scares them. Avoidance brings quick relief, which is why it grows: each time the child avoids, the fear gets stronger.

South African children often live with real stress, such as crime, crowded homes, violence in the community, a parent working far away, illness or loss in the family. Their worry may be based on things that really happened. Anxiety in children is very treatable, and parents are one of the most important parts of the help.

Signs to notice

• Frequent tummy aches or headaches with no clear cause.
• Asking "what if" questions over and over.
• Clinging, crying or panic when separating from you.
• Avoiding school, parties, sport or new things.
• Trouble falling asleep or nightmares.
• Big reactions to small mistakes, or perfectionism.

30-second self-check

Answer yes or no. Go with your first honest answer.

• Has my child's worry lasted more than a few weeks?
• Does it stop them from doing things other children their age do?
• Do I often change family plans to avoid upsetting them?
• Do they need a lot of reassurance, many times a day?
• Is their sleep affected by worry most nights?
• Do I feel exhausted or anxious myself trying to manage it?

0-1 yes: This sounds like everyday worry. Keep routines calm and keep talking about feelings.
2-3 yes: Anxiety is starting to affect daily life. The steps below will help, and it is worth mentioning to a professional.
4 or more yes: Your child's anxiety is having a big effect, and probably on you too. Getting professional help now can make a real difference.

What you can do next

• Today: Name the feeling calmly: "You are feeling worried. That is OK. Worry is uncomfortable, and you can handle it." Try slow belly breathing together.
• This week: Notice where you are helping your child avoid things. Choose one small, brave step (like staying at a party for 15 minutes) and praise the effort, not the result.
• This month: Keep a simple routine for sleep, meals and school. Limit news and violent content. Make a "worry time" of 10 minutes a day when your child can share worries, then move on to something else.

Your tool

Parenting Stress Check - a short private check of how your child's worries, and everything else on your plate, are affecting you, with steps to support you as the parent.

When to get professional help

Get help if anxiety lasts more than a month, affects school or friendships, causes panic attacks, or if your child has been through something frightening such as violence, an accident or a loss. A child psychologist or counsellor can teach your child and you practical skills.
Who can help: Psychologist, registered counsellor, doctor, occupational therapist, social worker

Getting help in South Africa

The Cleared Mind 24-hour Careline on 0800 212 146 can arrange counselling for you and, where benefits allow, your child. Childline on 116 is free for children who want to talk. The SADAG Mental Health Line on 011 234 4837 (08:00-20:00) supports parents concerned about child anxiety. Ask your child's school about its support team, and your clinic or GP about referral to a psychologist.